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Have you fallen… been knocked down?
In earlier blogs that I have posted, I talked about adolescent attachment with family and the importance of having friends. I am now going to talk to you about a segment of episode 3 of the three part series “This Emotional Life“, that pertains to the ability to recover from a misfortune or change. A key component of the human mind is its capacity to overcome the most horrific stresses, and use those experiences to thrive and grow. In episode 3 we meet Bob Shumaker, he is a surviving prisoner of war. His story absolutely amazes me! With that being said, I am now going to touch on Bob’s story.
Resilience-
Bob Shumaker grew up on a farm in Western Pennsylvania. In 1965 he became a husband a father. Shortly after that, Bob was sent to combat as a fighter pilot in Vietnam. While overseas, Bob’s plane was shot down and he was captured. He was taken in as a prisoner of war into North Vietnamese camps where he was tortured physically and mentally. He spend almost three out of his eight years as a prisoner of war in solitary confinement. While in solitary confinement, he spent most of his time designing the perfect house to build for him and his family , if he were to ever be released. Bob and other prisoners who were thrown into solitary confinement used the tap code to communicate. Through the tap code that were able keep their hopes and dreams alive by transmitting music lessons, french lessons, and even lessons on how to fix a T.V.
The tap code is referred to over and over again when researching Social Support. Having support is so important during tough times. Bob stated that using the tap code was a way for him and the other prisoners to support each other, and let each other know that they although they couldn’t be there for each other physically they were there mentally. Bob’s ability to bounce back from this experience is amazing to me. When I watched his story I couldn’t help but wonder if I would have been able to go through what Bob went through. I found myself asking “How was he able to do this?”.
Studies show that we learn resilience by falling down and getting back up again. Most people, when faced with a traumatic situation, find a way to get back to their set point. They are able to eventually go back to the level of happiness that they were once at. Bob Shumaker used his experience as a prisoner of war to his advantage. When he returned home, he was able to reconnect with his wife and child, build the home he had spent eight years designing, become an admiral, and a college professor. When asked if given the chance, would he could have eliminated that prisoner of war experience from his life, he responded “No!”. From this experience Bob was able to learn about himself and obtain psychological tools that he wouldn’t have obtained elsewhere… tools that he will be able to use for the rest of his life.
“Fall seven times, stand up eight.” – Unknown
To watch the full version of episode 3 and learn more about Bob’s story, please visit: This Emotional Life
Have you ever felt lonely … even when submerged in a crowd of people?
As promised in my last blog Wired to Connect- “This Emotional Life” , I am going to continue to discuss topics from episode 1 of the three part series This Emotional Life. Last time I wrote about family, and the importance of attachment. We learn to relate and interact in our early years at home as children, but the thing is… our parents have to love us, others don’t. Scientists say that the reason we have such big brains is because they allow us to interact with each other, distinguish friends from enemies, and cooperate with large numbers of unrelated people.
Friends-
As children, our families are our world. As we grow that world expands and begins to include friends. Friends are good for us! In the “friends” segment of episode 1, we meet Jason a 29 year old male diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome. Asperger’s Syndrome impairs ones ability to read others emotions, and causes people to learn about the world rather then how to function in the world. Functioning in a group atmosphere with large numbers of unrelated people is complicated for Jason because he cannot determine what is wanted from them, or what he needs to give to them. Jason stated that living with Asperger’s Syndrom is very frustrating because he cannot tell if people like him or not, causing him to be lonely due to the fact that he cannot relate.
All of us, at times, have had trouble making sense of the social world around us. Almost every species has it’s bully’s, and sadly humans are no exception. We are animals, and sometimes we choose conflict over cooperation, and dominance over diplomacy. At the end of the day we need to remember that we survive because we work together, we work effectively as a collective. No one deserves to live a lonely life, regardless if you suffer from a mental disorder or not. Understand that not everyone connects to the real world the way that you do.
“A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.” – Bernard Meltzer
For more information about the importance of friends, please visit: This Emotional Life
Have you ever wondered why some relationships succeed while others fail?
This morning I was able to catch up on episode 1 of “This Emotional Life“, a PBS special. This 3 part series is hosted by Daniel Gilbert, Harvard psychologist. It opens a window into real lives by exploring ways to improve our social relationships, cope with emotional issues, and become more positive, resilient individuals. Episode 2 is airing as I am writing this blog, and episode 3 will air tomorrow at 9:00 p.m. pst. The first episode addressed relationships with “Family, Friends & Lovers”. I am extremely intrigued by this series, and I want to share a little piece of it with you.
Family-
I feel it is fair to assume that all of us want to live happily ever after. We desire pleasure over pain, joy over sorrow, and so on. Now that we have established that, I bet you are wondering how. How do we satisfy these desires? How do we reach our happily ever after? Science suggests that we can achieve this state of happiness through the success of our social relationships. Time and time again it has been proven that successful relationships are the key to human happiness.
All relationships begin with our very first one, parent to child. Babies- more specifically… human infants, know how to get adults to do things for them. All it takes is a smile, and we are instantly at their mercy. This process, or this bond that a child forms with a caregiver, is known as attachment. Seth Pollak Ph.D. conducted studies in the 90′s on toddlers who were placed in Russian orphanages. These toddlers spent most of their time alone in a crib, and were provided with little time for human interaction. Because there were 15 babies to each nurse, the time that was dedicated to them was used for feeding and changing their diapers. This lack of attention taught these children that no one was there for them and when upset, if they wanted to be calmed down, they need to do it themselves. It was with this study that Pollak discovered a direct link between children in orphanages and emotional problems.
Most of what we know about attachment, unfortunately, is because of studies conducted on children who are directly involved with this process going painfully wrong. Children who have experienced problems during the attachment stage usually display issues with relating to others, regulating emotions, and interpreting facial expressions. When children are neglected as babies, they find it hard to form secure relationships as adults. Attachment is a 2-way street between parents and children where both individuals seek love from the other. It almost seems as though survival of the human species depends on good parents providing a balance of nurture and love. Bottom line, failure to bond has dyer consequences. Social relationships are a crucial element to our happiness.
If you enjoyed reading this blog, please come back. I will be posting additional blogs about episodes 1, 2, and 3 in the future. To view the trailer, please visit: This Emotional Life
“Your children need your presence more than your presents.” – Jesse Jackson
