Have you ever wondered why some relationships succeed while others fail?

This morning I was able to catch up on episode 1 of “This Emotional Life“, a PBS special. This 3 part series is hosted by Daniel Gilbert, Harvard psychologist. It opens a window into real lives by exploring ways to improve our social relationships, cope with emotional issues, and become more positive, resilient individuals. Episode 2 is airing as I am writing this blog, and episode 3 will air tomorrow at 9:00 p.m. pst. The first episode addressed relationships with “Family, Friends & Lovers”. I am extremely intrigued by this series, and I want to share a little piece of it with you.

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I feel it is fair to assume that all of us want to live happily ever after. We desire pleasure over pain, joy over sorrow, and so on. Now that we have established that, I bet you are wondering how. How do we satisfy these desires? How do we reach our happily ever after? Science suggests that we can achieve this state of happiness through the success of our social relationships. Time and time again it has been proven that successful relationships are the key to human happiness.

All relationships begin with our very first one, parent to child. Babies- more specifically… human infants, know how to get adults to do things for them. All it takes is a smile, and we are instantly at their mercy. This process, or this bond that a child forms with a caregiver, is known as attachment. Seth Pollak Ph.D. conducted studies in the 90′s on toddlers who were placed in Russian orphanages. These toddlers spent most of their time alone in a crib, and were provided with little time for human interaction. Because there were 15 babies to each nurse, the time that was dedicated to them was used for feeding and changing their diapers. This lack of attention taught these children that no one was there for them and when upset, if they wanted to be calmed down, they need to do it themselves. It was with this study that Pollak discovered a direct link between children in orphanages and emotional problems.

Most of what we know about attachment, unfortunately, is because of studies conducted on children who are directly involved with this process going painfully wrong. Children who have experienced problems during the attachment stage usually display issues with relating to others, regulating emotions, and interpreting facial expressions. When children are neglected as babies, they find it hard to form secure relationships as adults. Attachment is a 2-way street between parents and children where both individuals seek love from the other. It almost seems as though survival of the human species depends on good parents providing a balance of nurture and love. Bottom line, failure to bond has dyer consequences. Social relationships are a crucial element to our happiness.

If you enjoyed reading this blog, please come back. I will be posting additional blogs about episodes 1, 2, and 3 in the future. To view the trailer, please visit: This Emotional Life

“Your children need your presence more than your presents.” – Jesse Jackson